In the 1960s, the Little Golden Books series featured a title called “Never Talk to Strangers,” which used a catchy rhyme and whimsical animal characters to convey a cautionary message: Never talk to strangers.
For decades, the advice to “avoid talking to strangers” has been as commonplace as reminders to “wear your seatbelt” or “look both ways before crossing the street.” However, unlike these straightforward safety rules, the “stranger danger” concept has its own set of drawbacks and oversights.
Marcie Whalen, a mom and life coach, has shared why she and her partner choose not to teach their children about “stranger danger” and instead focus on a more nuanced approach.
“Parents want to keep their kids safe, but most people are inherently good,” Whalen explains. “We want our daughters to be friendly and engage with those around them. Rather than emphasizing strangers as a threat, we talk about recognizing strange behavior.”
Whalen highlights the reality that children are statistically more likely to be harmed by someone they know rather than by a stranger. “I want my daughters to recognize what constitutes odd behavior—such as someone asking them to keep a secret or to go somewhere without their parents. It’s crucial for them to understand these red flags, whether they come from familiar faces or unfamiliar ones.”
The traditional “stranger danger” message, while memorable, can foster unnecessary fear of all unfamiliar individuals. This approach can be counterproductive, as children frequently encounter strangers in everyday life.
Teaching them to fear strangers in general may prevent them from developing essential social skills and recognizing when strangers are actually trustworthy. Additionally, the concept of “stranger danger” fails to address the positive interactions that can occur with strangers, such as when receiving help from a kind stranger in need.
To ensure children are safe, it’s important to focus on specific behaviors to watch out for, such as adults asking for help or offering candy, rather than instilling a blanket distrust of strangers. It’s also crucial for kids to learn to trust their instincts if a situation feels uncomfortable or suspicious.
The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children also moves away from the “stranger danger” narrative. Executive Director Callahan Walsh explained to TODAY Parents that the organization avoids this simplistic message.
“We understand that child safety is more complex than a simple rhyme,” Walsh said. “Describing strangers as ‘mean’ or ‘monster-like’ is not accurate for most potential threats. Avoiding strangers might prevent children from seeking help from someone who could actually assist them in a dangerous situation.”
Ultimately, the approach to teaching children about safety should consider each child’s temperament. Some children are naturally more cautious, while others may be less aware of potential risks.
Whalen’s perspective is that most people are good, most threats come from those children already know, and the “stranger danger” approach often oversimplifies a complex issue.