Assigning the label “gifted” to children can bring its own set of challenges, such as pressure to perform, associating academic success with self-worth, social isolation, and the harsh reality that exceptional abilities don’t always shield one from life's difficulties.
However, is it possible that calling high-achieving children “gifted” might be counterproductive?
One father on Reddit's Am I The A**hole forum seems to think so and is now facing backlash for his opinion. The dad, who holds a degree in electrical engineering along with his wife, has two children—a 17-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter. Their daughter, having accelerated through high school, is preparing to enter college alongside her older brother. She plans to study physics and computer science, while her brother has yet to decide on a major.
During a family dinner, the father recounted a conversation where his wife expressed pride in their children's achievements, noting how fortunate they were to have “gifted” children entering prestigious university programs.
The dad responded by acknowledging his daughter's hard work but rejected the term “gifted.” He argued that her success was not due to any inherent special abilities but rather the result of rigorous academic support and effort. He pointed out that his daughter’s achievements were likely influenced by her early exposure to advanced subjects and her status as a younger applicant with impressive credentials.
His comments did not go over well. Both his wife and daughter were upset, with his wife feeling that he was dismissing their daughter’s accomplishments, and his daughter agreeing with him but feeling hurt that he voiced these sentiments publicly.
The Reddit community overwhelmingly criticized the father's response. Many felt his comments were unnecessary and harmful, arguing that undermining his daughter's achievements did not serve any positive purpose.
“Diminishing your daughter’s accomplishments served no good,” one commenter noted. “Even if she isn’t ‘gifted' by some standards, putting her down can have serious negative effects. She is exceptional, and your comments reflect an unwillingness to recognize her achievements.”
Another commenter highlighted that excelling in advanced subjects like calculus before high school is a clear indicator of exceptional ability.
Several women in STEM fields also criticized the father’s attitude, suggesting it mirrored a broader issue of undervaluing women’s achievements in science and technology. One commenter reflected on how the father's remarks might stem from a reluctance to acknowledge genuine talent, especially in women.
“The troubling part is that this message comes from her father,” one commenter said. “He should be her biggest supporter, not her harshest critic.”
This situation underscores a common parental dilemma: balancing encouragement with realistic expectations. It serves as a reminder that acknowledging and supporting children’s successes, rather than undermining them, is crucial for their self-esteem and motivation.