When you're a child, kind words from a supportive adult can leave a lasting impact. In schools, the pressure to perform well on tests is often so intense that it unintentionally gets passed down to students.
This is exactly what happened to Rylan, a third-grader from Indiana, as he prepared for something most kids dread: standardized testing week.
Rylan's teacher, who prefers to remain anonymous, gave each student a letter and a cookie before the big test. The letter itself is heartwarming, but it's Rylan's reaction in the video that truly touches the heart (you can watch it at the end).
Whether you're in favor of the current amount of testing in public schools or believe it should be significantly reduced, we can likely all agree on one thing: it's crucial not to give kids the impression that their entire worth is tied to their test scores.
The need for kids to hear this message is very real. The pressures they face in school today are vastly different from what many of us experienced growing up.
I'll never forget driving my daughter home after she received the results from three days of fifth-grade testing. Normally, she was cheerful and proud on days like these, often earning the highest scores in her class. She worked hard and took pride in her achievements, enjoying the sense that her efforts were paying off.
But this time was different. She was upset because her friend had outscored her. Although she congratulated her friend sincerely, she couldn't shake the disappointment of losing her “winning” streak.
As we drove, it hit me: Her self-worth was completely wrapped up in these scores. This was the only way she had learned to measure her value and rank.
I pulled the car over because I knew we needed to talk immediately. I said something along these lines:
“You know that even if you never accomplished another thing in your life, you'd still be loved and valued in our family just for who you are, right? It would be disappointing if you stopped striving to reach your potential, but even then, we would still love you. Your achievements don't define who you are. It's those moments when you're sad but choose kindness, when you have a reason to be unkind but choose not to be, and when no one is watching and you still do the right thing. You will go on to achieve amazing things in your life, and I will always celebrate those moments with you, but not because they prove anything about your worth. I already know who you are.” I could see that she understood, and I hope it was a turning point in how she will view herself as she pursues her goals throughout her life.
Here’s Rylan and his mom sharing what the teacher’s letter meant to them. Listening to Rylan and seeing his face, along with his mother's gratitude, shows us that a little kindness can go a long way.
If you're not entirely sure that a child in your life understands how to separate their test scores from their self-worth, this is a great message to share with them right now.