Like many parents, I was utterly unprepared when I first became a mother—after all, it was my first time. At 27, we welcomed our first child through adoption, a 10-month-old boy.
Shortly after his adoption, I looked hopeful but clueless. I had spent the year before his arrival devouring books, articles, and blog posts, amassing a solid theoretical understanding. However, I lacked practical experience.
Although I babysat as a teenager and felt confident in my pre-parenting abilities, parenting is a different ball game. It’s a hands-on learning process where theoretical knowledge is tested in real life.
My husband and I made some mistakes but also managed to do things well. We tackled typical new-parent challenges as well as unique ones due to our son's time in an orphanage before we adopted him. Despite everything, we felt optimistic about our growing family and were eager to try again.
Less than a year and a half later, we adopted our daughter, Molly. She was eight months old and equally fabulous. However, after about six months, as she began to show her distinct personality following some significant health issues, I realized something: I was back to square one with no clue what I was doing.
The parenting techniques that worked for our son did not translate to Molley. She had a unique personality—spirited, clever, kind, and determined. After one particularly public tantrum at around 15 months old, I called my mom in distress, feeling overwhelmed and desperate for advice.
My mom reminded me that children are not all the same and that parenting strategies may need to be adjusted accordingly. This advice resonated with me as I faced the challenge of adapting my approach to Molley’s needs.
A recent post by Bunmi Laditan, known for her humorous take on parenting through Honest Toddler, perfectly encapsulates this reality. She humorously points out that no matter what parenting choices you make—whether working, staying home, practicing strict or gentle discipline, or any other approach—there will always be someone ready to criticize. The key takeaway? Each family and child is unique, and the best we can do is to focus on what works for us and our children.
Despite receiving praise and criticism during Molley’s early years, I persevered. We navigated through a challenging period and emerged in a positive place with a strong, loving relationship. Molley, now 7.5 years old, has been a joy and a learning experience. Recent tests revealed her to be “gifted,” clarifying our difficulties.
Reflecting on our journey, I recognize that while I made mistakes—something every parent does—I made decisions based on what I believed was best for Molly. Listening to others’ opinions could have derailed us, but by staying true to our approach, we have managed to thrive as a family.
Parenting Molley required a different approach than our son, often making us the center of unwanted attention. We managed public tantrums, adjusted our parenting as needed, and always focused on what we felt was best.
I learned that many people are eager to share their opinions about your parenting style, often inconsistently. This can be disheartening, but it’s essential to focus on what’s suitable for your family and not be swayed by external judgments.
Parenting, while incredibly rewarding, is also physically and emotionally demanding. Most of us do our best, seek advice, and adapt our methods as we go. This effort stems from our love and commitment to our children.