Last week, while at the park with my daughter, we were enjoying a lively day of running, jumping, and playing tag when something happened that I hadn’t anticipated: she experienced mockery and teasing for the first time.
My initial reaction was a mix of hurt, sadness, and anger. I felt an overwhelming urge to protect her, to intervene and confront the child who had mocked her. My instincts screamed to shield her from this pain. However, I knew I had to suppress those immediate impulses. I had to remind myself to stay calm and collected. While it pained me to see my sweet, kind-hearted four-year-old grappling with feelings of disappointment and rejection, I understood that facing such challenges is a crucial part of her growth. I realized that she needed to confront and process these emotions herself to become a well-rounded individual.
So, I took a step back, holding myself in check as I observed from the sidelines.
I fidgeted nervously, tapping my foot and biting my nails, but I remained where I was.
Despite her visible frustration and annoyance, my daughter didn’t retreat or break down. Instead, she took a stand. Moments before I could intervene, she told the boy he was being “mean” and “not nice.” Watching her handle the situation with poise and self-respect was both reassuring and unsettling for me. I wanted to do more, driven by my own childhood experiences of being shy and often bullied. My instinct was to shield her from harm, but I knew that doing so would not be in her best interest.
I understood that my desire to “rescue” her stemmed from my past, where I had struggled to stand up for myself. I wanted to shield her from the world's harsh realities, but I recognized that this approach would ultimately be counterproductive.
My goal was to help her learn to handle these situations independently.
I am aware that my approach may seem detached to some. I'm not abandoning her to fend for herself in a dire situation, nor am I neglecting her needs. Rather, I am choosing to guide and support her from a distance, which is often much harder than it appears.
Our discussions about these experiences continue long after the incidents themselves. We talk about what happened, how she felt, and how she could handle similar situations in the future. I also emphasize the importance of seeking help when needed, showing her that it's okay to ask for guidance.
While it is difficult to watch her struggle and face challenges, I believe it's an essential part of my role as a mother. My job is not to shield her from her emotions but to help her understand, cope with, and navigate through them. I aim to equip her with the resilience and self-confidence necessary to face life's challenges with strength and grace.