When we’re kids, making friends seems effortless. We naturally connect with others in our neighborhoods, schools, or through activities, often bonding over shared interests and simply having fun together. However, as we transition into our teenage years, friendship evolves into something deeper, characterized by emotional connections. Then adulthood arrives, bringing a new set of challenges that can complicate our friendships.
With the demands of careers, families, and adult responsibilities, maintaining friendships often becomes more challenging. Time is a precious commodity, and the dynamics of what friendship entails shift significantly. This isn't necessarily a positive or negative change; it’s just a reality we all face.
Comedian Jake Lambert humorously captures the essence of adult friendships in his stand-up routine, addressing relatable truths about our relationships, such as:
- Not Knowing Your Friend’s Job
“How well do I know what my best friend does for a living? It’s something involving numbers, and I remember hearing them mention ‘project manager' once.”
“But while I might not grasp their job description, I do know every detail about their coworkers, including who they can’t stand and who’s dating whom.” - The Foundation of Adult Friendships
“Do we bond over shared hobbies? Not really—this isn’t childhood! Our friendship is built on mutual disdain for the same things.” - The Challenge of Meeting Up
“Oh, we see each other regularly. What month is it now? September? The last time we actually hung out was back in June, but we communicate every day—well, not via phone calls. We send memes to each other on Instagram. We do message each other about catching up, but that usually means we’ll see each other again in a month or two.” - Boundaries on Communication
“Would I just drop by their house unexpectedly? Not unless I wanted to give them a heart attack! I wouldn’t even call them without sending a text first. That’s what true friendship looks like.”
People resonated with Lambert’s observations, sharing their own truths about adult friendships in the comments:
- “Not talking for months but picking up right where we left off when we finally meet up? That’s a whole new level of friendship unlocked! 🙌❤️🤣😂”
- “Texting before calling is the ultimate sign of friendship! 💯”
- “I wouldn’t dream of calling without giving a heads-up first—that’s my love language.”
- “You’ve known each other for years, yet you only have three photos together.”
- “The accuracy of this is both hilarious and sad! 😂😂😂😂😂”
While adult friendships can be tough to maintain, they remain incredibly valuable. Research indicates that many of us may be missing out on the benefits of these connections. According to an analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s “American Time Use Survey,” Americans are spending significantly less time with friends compared to a decade ago. Between 2014 and 2019, the time spent with friends dropped by 37%. The pandemic exacerbated this issue, with 2021 data revealing that we spent less than three hours per week with friends—down from over four hours in 2019.
Though spending time alone doesn’t inherently lead to feelings of loneliness—some individuals genuinely prefer solitude—humans are naturally social beings. Research suggests that many people are currently facing an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, potentially due to our increasingly online lives, rising anxiety levels, and the disconnections experienced during the pandemic.
To counteract this loneliness, nurturing in-person friendships can be beneficial. Focus on quality over quantity; you don’t need a large circle of friends. Instead, prioritize those who share your values and uplift you. Even if schedules make it challenging to meet up, regularly checking in (beyond just sharing memes) can strengthen bonds. A simple message like “Hey, I’m thinking of you—how have you been?” can have a profound impact. Setting monthly meet-ups, like a recurring coffee date, can make it easier to see each other instead of constantly trying to synchronize busy schedules. While long-distance friendships can be trickier, technology offers many ways to stay connected. Don’t overlook the significance of sending messages to express your desire to plan a get-together.
Though adult friendships may come with their own set of quirks, they are essential for our well-being and overall life satisfaction. Keep those memes coming, and seize opportunities to meet up when you can—you’ll rarely regret making that effort.