Having an unusual name can lead to significant challenges for children, making them easy targets for teasing and bullying. The difficulties don’t stop there; as adults, they often face the same tired jokes repeatedly. Research indicates that individuals with unique last names may struggle more during job searches as well. Ultimately, this extra burden can complicate life in ways that feel unnecessary.
Some might wonder, “If your name causes so much trouble, why not change it?” However, names are deeply connected to family history and identity, making it difficult for many to alter something so personal.
A father recently shared his concerns on Reddit about his last name, which he finds “embarrassing.” He sought advice from the NameNerds forum about how to approach the topic with his children.
“I have an embarrassing last name (Roach). It’s always bothered me throughout my childhood and adulthood,” he wrote. “Now I have kids aged 14, 10, and 5. They’ve said that no one has really bullied them over their last name, but I still feel bad. I know it’s too late to change their last name. Just seeking some advice or input from anyone who has an embarrassing last name and how they deal with passing it on to their kids.”
His insecurities about the name resurfaced after becoming a parent. “I had accepted my last name and was fine with it. The woman I married accepted the last name too, so we gave our kids the name. It was only after I had kids that I began to think about it again and wonder about their experiences,” he admitted.
Many Reddit users responded with supportive advice, encouraging him not to worry if the children seem unaffected by their surname. Some suggested that discussing the issue might make it worse.
“Don’t borrow trouble,” one commenter advised. “They don’t seem to mind it, and you’ve survived with it thus far, so what’s the problem? I agree that Roach isn’t the prettiest surname ever, but I’ve heard worse, so it doesn’t seem that outrageous to me.”
Another commenter simply stated, “If they don’t feel bad, then don’t make it weird for them.”
One user pointed out that by bringing up the name, he might inadvertently become a source of insecurity for his children. “If you mention it too much, you may give them the reason to feel insecure about it. You’d be the one making fun of them for their last name. You’d be their first bully. Don’t be their first bully or the reason they have anxiety.”
In a light-hearted tone, another commenter suggested, “You clearly need to name them Papa.”
Taking the feedback to heart, the father reflected on the situation. “I can’t tell if they feel bad or not, but they also don’t complain about it, so maybe that’s a sign they’re okay. I’m probably overthinking it,” he concluded.
This father’s experience highlights a common issue many parents face: projecting their insecurities onto their children.
“It’s natural to worry about your children and have anxieties about their experiences. You want the best for them and don’t want them to endure the same challenges you faced as a child. However, these fears and concerns are your own, and it’s possible to shield your children from them if you work on limiting your projections,” writes Heather R. Hayes, LPCC, on her website.
Samantha Rodman, PhD, emphasizes that recognizing this tendency is crucial. “Noticing this tendency in yourself is half the battle. The other half is actively engaging in self-talk that counters these negative assumptions,” she advises in HuffPost. “Ask yourself, ‘Why is this bothering me? What images or thoughts are running through my head?’”