“Can’t you come to us for once?”
It’s a classic case of good news and bad news for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone—grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends—wants to spend time with the little ones.
The bad news? That dreaded question: “When are you bringing them over?”
For generations, parents have struggled with the stress of packing up the kids, making long trips, and spending hours chasing them around in a completely un-baby-proofed environment—only to end up with overtired, cranky children by the end of the visit. Now, many parents are taking to social media to vent their frustrations.
Why Visiting Grandparents (and Other Relatives) Is So Hard for Parents
A mom recently shared her experience on Reddit, explaining how her parents constantly ask her to bring their granddaughter over.
“My parents live 30 minutes away and always bug me about not visiting them,” she wrote. “They keep asking, ‘Why don’t you bring our granddaughter to see us?’”
Her post sparked a discussion about why these visits often feel like more trouble than they’re worth.
1. Grandparents’ Homes Aren’t Childproof
Grandparents love their delicate décor—ceramic figurines, glass vases, fragile keepsakes. And while they have every right to decorate their home however they like, that doesn’t make it a safe space for toddlers.
“Last week was the last straw,” one mom shared. “I took my daughter to my parents' house, and of course, she went EVERYWHERE! She flooded the toilet, broke a vase, and tried to climb their furniture multiple times.”
2. Parents Spend the Entire Visit on High Alert
Instead of relaxing and catching up, visiting parents are constantly on edge, making sure their little ones don’t break something, get hurt, or cause chaos.
“They don’t understand that my 3-year-old is absolutely wild,” one parent explained. “She doesn’t listen, she throws things, she bites, and she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting. And then they expect us to entertain them while I’m just trying to prevent an ER visit.”
3. Even a Short Trip Feels Like a Full-Day Event
Getting kids out of the house is no small feat—it requires packing snacks, extra clothes, diapers, and entertainment for the car ride.
What seems like a quick visit actually takes up the majority of the day, between getting ready, traveling, and recovering from the disruption.
4. Naps and Routines Get Thrown Off
Anyone with young kids knows that skipping a nap or pushing bedtime too late can have serious consequences. A baby who refuses to nap in an unfamiliar place often turns into a cranky, inconsolable mess for the rest of the night.
5. Kids with Special Needs Require Even More Stability
For children with autism or ADHD, breaking from routine can be especially difficult. Unfamiliar places can lead to sensory overload, meltdowns, or dangerous behaviors, making visits even more stressful for parents.
Why Is This Such a Common Struggle?
Is this a generational divide? Some experts think so.
“Many Boomers grew up with more traditional family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a sign of respect,” says family psychologist Caitlin Slavens. “In contrast, today’s parents are juggling careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting in a way that previous generations didn’t experience.”
That’s not to say this is a new problem. Many Millennials remember their own parents driving hours to visit family, often with little reciprocation.
At the same time, older relatives may have their own limitations when it comes to traveling—health issues, mobility concerns, or simply a preference for being in their own home.
Can Parents and Grandparents Find a Compromise?
Slavens suggests that open conversations can help bridge the gap.
“Explain how much easier it is when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re little,” she advises. “Talk about childproofing concerns, the challenges of travel, or how disruptions affect the kids. Sometimes, small adjustments—like making their home more kid-friendly or alternating visits—can make all the difference.”
At the end of the day, everyone has the same goal: spending quality time together.
“The key is empathy,” Slavens says. “For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work. For grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can make a big difference in showing support for their children and grandchildren.”
Because when visits are enjoyable and low-stress for everyone, they become something to look forward to—rather than something to dread.