Welcoming a new baby is a beautiful, life-changing experience, but no amount of preparation can fully prepare you for what’s to come—especially when it comes to sleep.
Parents hear plenty of warnings about exhaustion, but nothing truly prepares you for the relentless sleep deprivation of a baby who just won’t stay asleep. It’s no wonder so many desperate parents turn to books, experts, and online forums in search of answers—leading them straight into the heated world of “sleep training.”
What Is Sleep Training?
Sleep training is a broad term for teaching a baby to fall asleep (or return to sleep) without needing parental intervention. The methods vary widely—from gentle techniques that involve minimal crying to controversial approaches that involve leaving a baby to cry for extended periods. The debate gets so intense because parents are often talking about completely different approaches when they defend or criticize sleep training.
At its core, sleep training often involves letting a baby fuss or cry for short intervals before intervening. Some parents find this manageable and swear by it. Others describe it as a nightmare that only made things worse. The key difference? Every baby is different.
The Reality of Sleep Training: A Personal Story
When my first baby was born, I thought I was prepared for the sleepless nights. But at six weeks postpartum, I found myself thinking, There's no way a person can survive on this little sleep. My baby didn’t sleep well, and no matter how much I adored her, the exhaustion felt like actual torture.
Like many parents, I considered sleep training. Some books suggested methods that involved leaving a baby to cry no matter what—even if they became so upset they vomited. That didn’t sit right with me. But then I read about gentler methods where you check in at timed intervals, and parents swore their babies adjusted in just a few nights. That sounded reasonable.
So I tried it.
It was a disaster.
My baby didn’t “fuss”—she wailed. There was no gradual calming down, just escalating screams. Comforting pats didn’t work. The crying didn’t subside; it only intensified. I felt like I was torturing her, so I gave up.
That baby is now 24 years old. She eventually learned to sleep through the night—on her own timeline. My other two kids had completely different sleep personalities—one was a dream sleeper, the other more like my first. I didn’t do anything drastically different; they just were who they were.
What I’ve Learned About Baby Sleep
After raising three kids and talking to countless parents, here’s what I know for sure:
- Every baby, child, and family is different. What works for one won’t necessarily work for another. As long as no one is being harmed, do what works for your family.
- Anyone claiming to have a one-size-fits-all parenting solution is wrong. Babies don’t come with universal instruction manuals.
- Sleep is important—but unless you’ve spent a night in someone else’s home, don’t judge how another parent chooses to handle sleep. What’s right for your baby may not be right for theirs.
At the end of the day, babies eventually sleep through the night—whether sleep training is involved or not. So let’s give parents a little grace, because no one makes their best decisions on zero sleep.