Supporting someone in crisis can be incredibly challenging, and the words we choose can have a significant impact on their emotional state. While it’s essential to express concern and empathy, it’s equally important to avoid certain phrases that may unintentionally invalidate their feelings or exacerbate their distress. Here are some things to avoid saying to someone in crisis and alternative approaches to foster understanding and support.
1. “You just need to think positively.”
While promoting a positive mindset can be helpful in many situations, telling someone in crisis to simply “think positively” can come across as dismissive. This phrase implies that their feelings are a choice and that they can easily control their emotions. Instead, acknowledge their pain by saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you right now. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.”
2. “Others have it worse.”
Comparing someone's struggles to the hardships of others can minimize their experience and make them feel guilty for their feelings. This statement can foster shame and isolation rather than support. Instead, try saying, “It’s valid to feel overwhelmed right now. Your feelings matter, and I’m here for you.”
3. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
Telling someone they shouldn’t feel a certain way can invalidate their emotions and create a sense of shame. It’s crucial to allow individuals to express their feelings without judgment. A better approach is to say, “I understand that you’re feeling this way. It’s okay to have those emotions, and I’m here to listen.”
4. “Just distract yourself.”
While distraction can sometimes be a helpful coping mechanism, it isn’t a solution for deep emotional pain. Suggesting distraction may imply that the person should avoid addressing their feelings. Instead, encourage them to talk about what they’re going through by saying, “I’m here to help you through this. Let’s talk about what you’re feeling.”
5. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Diminishing someone’s feelings can be incredibly hurtful. What may seem minor to one person can feel monumental to another. This phrase can make the individual feel misunderstood and unsupported. Instead, express empathy by saying, “I can see this is really affecting you, and I want to understand what you’re going through.”
6. “You’ll be fine; you just need to try harder.”
This phrase can suggest that the individual is not putting in enough effort to overcome their struggles, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, provide reassurance and support by saying, “It’s okay to ask for help, and you don’t have to go through this alone.”
7. “Why don’t you just…?”
Questions that begin with “Why don’t you just…?” can come off as dismissive and can imply that the person isn’t trying hard enough to improve their situation. Instead, ask open-ended questions to understand their feelings better. You could say, “What can I do to support you right now?”
8. “You need to get over it.”
Suggesting that someone should simply get over their feelings can be incredibly damaging. This phrase trivializes their experiences and emotions. A more supportive response might be, “Healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. I’m here to help you through it.”
Conclusion
When supporting someone in crisis, words matter immensely. Choosing what not to say can help create a more compassionate and understanding environment for individuals who are struggling. By avoiding dismissive or invalidating phrases and opting for empathy and openness, you can provide meaningful support and encourage the person to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Always remember that listening, validating their experiences, and offering your presence can make a world of difference.