When we talk about infidelity, the focus often falls on physical cheating, where one partner engages in a sexual relationship outside the marriage. However, emotional cheating is more ambiguous and can be just as damaging. As Dr. Jenn Mann, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains in an article for InStyle, “An emotional affair is an affair of the heart.” This affair can be particularly distressing for the faithful partner because it diverts time, energy, and attention from the primary relationship.
Emotional cheating presents a unique challenge because it's not as straightforward as physical infidelity.
A recent post on Reddit's Relationship Advice subforum illustrates this complexity. In the story, a wife is troubled by her husband's relationship with their babysitter, which he insists is purely platonic. However, his actions suggest otherwise.
The couple in question consists of a 35-year-old woman and her 38-year-old husband, married for 11 years, with two sons. The babysitter, a 25-year-old woman who lives nearby, has been a family friend for years, having known the husband's brother for a long time.
The wife noted that the babysitter was often invited to family events and got along well with everyone. However, she noticed her husband growing unusually close to the babysitter.
The first incident occurred when the babysitter was watching their children. She mentioned feeling cold after swimming in their pool, and before the wife could offer her sweater, the husband gave the babysitter his hoodie. This gesture seemed innocent until the wife noticed that when the babysitter returned the hoodie, it had her scent. The husband declined the wife's offer to wash it.
The second incident happened during a graduation party for one of their sons. The babysitter received a distressing phone call and left for an hour. The husband went to check on her, and when they returned, the babysitter seemed upset about her mother's health issues. Later, the wife found them asleep on an outdoor swing, with the babysitter's head resting on the husband's shoulder.
After reading the wife's story, a Reddit commenter suggested she wash the hoodie to gauge her husband's reaction. When she did, the husband became very upset and threw the hoodie on the closet floor, complaining about the wife's decision to wash it.
The wife shared her concerns online, with many commenters supporting her feelings of discomfort. One person pointed out that the husband's actions would be unusual if the babysitter were a young man, highlighting the potential inappropriateness of his behavior. Another commenter bluntly suggested that the husband was either “an idiot or a gaslighter,” noting that falling asleep together indicated a deep level of comfort and intimacy.
As dating coach John Keegan explains, the significance of a man giving a woman his hoodie often symbolizes chivalry, affection, and a way to mark her as “taken.” Women, in turn, usually appreciate the gesture as it makes them feel closer to the man and connected to his scent.
Considering the three incidents—the gifting of the hoodie, the close physical proximity during emotional distress, and the husband's reaction to the hoodie being washed—the wife has reason to question the nature of her husband's relationship with the babysitter.
Reaching out to the Reddit community provided the wife with an unbiased perspective on her situation, helping her navigate the confusing and often subtle signs of emotional cheating.