A growing but often overlooked issue in American families is the rising number of adult children who are estranged from their parents. Research from 1997 revealed that 7% of adult children had cut ties with their mothers, and 27% had done so with their fathers. By 2020, sociologist Karl Pillemar discovered that about a quarter of Americans are now estranged from at least one parent or child.
Steven Mintz, author of Huck’s Raft: A History of American Childhood, discussed this trend with The Atlantic, attributing it to changes in family dynamics over the past 50 years. He notes that while families in the past argued over material resources like land and inheritances, today's conflicts are more psychological and less tangible, making them harder to resolve.
This shift reflects a broader societal trend where people are increasingly inclined to cut ties with those they perceive as toxic or harmful.
Chassity Marchal, a TikTok creator (@Chatswithchass), recently gained attention for her video addressing the judgment faced by adult children who distance themselves from their parents. She points out the double standard where people often support individuals leaving abusive partners but criticize those who do the same with toxic parents.
Marchal argues that family connections do not exempt individuals from being treated poorly. “Stop telling people who have no contact with their parents that they need to reconcile or communicate,” she asserts, referencing a recent online comment criticizing her decision to cut off her mother. The commenter had argued that she should maintain the relationship because “you’re not guaranteed tomorrow.”
Marchal countered by suggesting that if her partner had behaved like her mother, no one would advise her to stay in the relationship. “Why is it different when it comes to parents?” she questioned. She acknowledged that ending the relationship with her mother wasn’t an easy decision and that she is not pleased about it, but she believes it’s necessary for her own well-being.
Her video received strong support, with many agreeing with her stance. A commenter named Cat highlighted the sentiment: “Just because someone gave birth to you doesn’t mean you have to maintain contact with them!”
In a follow-up, Marchal addressed a commenter who argued that one can never replace a parent, stating that when someone repeatedly harms you and shows no remorse, walking away is sometimes the only option.
The increasing estrangement between adult children and their parents seems to be a reflection of a cultural shift towards valuing personal boundaries and self-care over maintaining toxic relationships.