Being the default parent often feels like there’s no pause button in sight. This is the parent whom kids instinctively approach for everything from snacks and school forms to bedtime stories and handling sick day calls from school.
The default parent usually emerges due to an imbalance in responsibilities at home, with one parent shouldering most of the day-to-day duties, or simply because one parent is more preoccupied with work or other obligations.
TikTok star Jordan Klein recently shed light on this dynamic in her life. With three young boys, ages 5, 3, and 1, Klein often finds herself overwhelmed by the constant barrage of requests. “I lose my sh*t right around 2 or 3 p.m. every day without fail,” she shared in a recent TikTok post. “My husband works from home, but he doesn’t seem to experience this same level of stress. So, what’s going on?”
To quantify her daily stress, Jordan decided to conduct a simple experiment: she used a counter app to tally every time one of her children made a request. The results were astonishing.
In just ten minutes, her kids made 86 requests. Jordan didn’t even count repeated requests, which are common among children. “I bet if I asked my husband how many requests he gets at work, it would be in the single digits,” she noted.
Jordan’s experiment highlights the immense and often underappreciated emotional labor that comes with being the default parent. “This validates my burnout, right?” she wrote in the post’s caption.
The response from viewers was one of solidarity. “I feel this completely and often point it out to my husband. Dad is RIGHT THERE. Ask him,” commented CrochetFeen. Sandra, another mom, added, “I have three kids too and ‘Mom’ has become a triggering word for me.”
Jordan’s findings provide her with solid evidence for discussing parenting duties with her husband. Even if it doesn’t shift the default role, it reinforces the need for more equitable sharing of responsibilities and recognition of the emotional toll that comes with the role.
This experiment underscores that while professional jobs are often viewed as more stressful, the emotional and mental strain of being a default parent is significant and deserves a reevaluation of how parenting duties are shared and valued in families.